


The Madness of Butterflies

by Claire



Category: Primeval
Genre: Alternate Realities, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-31
Updated: 2009-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 23:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/667688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claire/pseuds/Claire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't expect it to work first time...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Madness of Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: _We make mistakes over and over again, but the only thing I want to protect is the promise I made to you._

It's weeks before Nick is finally ready, before he has the device in his hand and Connor's excited shout of "I've done it!" ringing through his mind.

_It comes from the future,_ Helen had said.

_To track the Anomalies?_ Connor had asked.

_Oh, it does so much more than that--_ Helen's voice had been seductive, soft in a way Nick hadn't heard her being since a decade earlier and a lifetime away. _You can change things. Tug a string here, pull a thread there, and reality unravels and rewraps itself._

_Dangerous--_ Lester had decreed.

_Broken--_ Helen had retorted.

_Broken?_ Connor had repeated.

Broken.

But not for long.

~

Nick thinks Abby knew what he was planning long before he even did. Thinks she's been too quick to be by his side, too careful to be the voice of reason every time Connor thought he was getting close.

So, he's not surprised that it's her voice he's hearing now, running towards him in a flash of blonde and red and black.

"Nick, stop!"

But Abby's too far away to reach him in time, too far away to do anything because the Anomaly's there, shining brightly in broken colours.

Nick doesn't look at her as he steps through.

~

He's not expecting to get it right first time; still too unsure of how the device works, still too unsure of just pressing a button and trusting that it'll all work out. It doesn't stop Nick from pressing the button anyway.

It doesn't feel any different once he's done it, doesn't feel like the world has tilted on its axis. But, then again, it didn't feel like it had last time either.

Abby's not there when he steps back through the Anomaly, the Forest of Dean quiet around him. His car's where he left it, with nothing but a few new leaves on the windscreen and the bird shit that he still hasn't got around to cleaning off splattered on the roof.

Part of Nick says he should go home, leave everything until tomorrow. Leave it until his heart's not pounding and he can hear over the rush of blood through his ears. But he has to know what's waiting for him. Has to know if it's Lester, all disapproving frown and Nick's belongings packed into a box, or if it's--

The drive back to the ARC is quiet, and Nick's half tempted to start a conversation with the sandwich wrapper from Tescos that's been abandoned on the passenger seat, if only to break the silence.

He's half expecting the special forces team to surround him as soon as he's in the building, half expecting to be marched into Lester's office and handed his P45. Only, no one's looking at him like he just smuggled a device they've been studying for months out of the ARC, like he just risked everything because he had no choice.

They're not looking at him like that, but Abby's still looking at him with concern in her eyes, still speaking to him like he's about to break. And Stephen's locker is still standing empty, the piece of card with Stephen's name on it tucked inside one of Nick's books, edges dirty and worn from being held too long.

Nick waits until no one's paying attention to him before he leaves, the soft _Be back soon--_ thrown over his shoulder to Connor as he walks out.

The leather of the steering wheel is cool against his forehead as he rests on it, not caring how it looks to the security cameras that cover every inch of the ARC's car park, If he had any sense, he'd stop now; accept that Stephen's gone and that it can't be changed.

Only, it changed before. Changed from Claudia Brown to Jenny Lewis. Changed from a world where Stephen was there to one where all Nick can see when he closes his eyes is red.

He doesn't look back as he drives away.

~

There's no Stephen to greet him the next time either. Nothing but a gravestone dated a year previously and a closed file that details how Stephen Hart was killed by a raptor that broke through the special forces perimeter surrounding an Anomaly in Hereford.

Nick stays even less time in this one than he had in the last, not even acknowledging Abby as he brushes past her on the way out of the ARC.

~

The third time Nick tries, he finds a reality where Stephen's still alive. And Nick had never thought that a reality where Stephen was would be worse than one where he wasn't, but it's not the first time Nick's been wrong. Because Stephen may be alive and whole, but he's unable to look at Nick through the hatred burning in his eyes.

Nick doesn't know what happened, what he did. He can't get past more than two words before Stephen is growling at him, telling him to fuck off before he gets Lester to sign the papers still sitting in his desk drawer, the ones that free Stephen from his government contract.

Abby keeps looking at him, eyes burning with what Nick thinks is disappointment, every time he tries to talk to Stephen. It gets to the point that even Connor is warning him off, hesitant and _young_ and the _Professor, don't you think you should, well, you know, give him some space--_ telling Nick sod all about what the hell went on, about how he can _fix_ it.

Because he _can_ fix it, he knows he can, if only Stephen would give him the chance. If only Stephen would speak to him. But he won't. Won't speak to Nick, won't be in the same room as him. He doesn't even look at Nick as he pushes past him on the way into Lester's office, the argument between the two of them obvious to everyone pretending not to watch through the glass.

It's Abby's soft _Oh, Nick--_ that finally has Nick tearing his eyes away from where Lester has stopped arguing with Stephen and started to sign the piece of paper he's just pulled out of his desk. The careful hand she rests on his arm that finally has him moving, shrugging off her touch, heading out of the ARC before the ink from Lester's pen is even dry.

Nick only hopes Stephen's hatred dies along with the reality.

~

Nick actually makes it back to his house the fourth time around, strung out and exhausted and only stopping there because it's nearer than the ARC and he's already nearly crashed twice.

Everything's the same as he remembers it, down to the unwashed bowl in the sink that's still sporting a stray cornflake stuck to the side.

Nick doesn't bother to undress on his way to the bedroom, barely thinks to pull off his jacket before he drops onto the bed.

The morning comes quickly, light shining in through the window and past the curtains Nick didn't close. He drags himself out of bed and into the shower, hot water washing away lives that don't exist any more as he stands under the pounding spray until his skin wrinkles.

The phone's vibrating at him when Nick gets back into the bedroom, display lit up and declaring that he missed a phone call from Connor 30 minutes ago. He's pulling on a pair of jeans he's never seen before when the phone rings again, Connor babbling excitedly as soon as Nick answers the call. Between the _Jurassic_ and the _Of all the days--_ and the _Becker and Stephen dealt with it_ , Nick barely gets a word in.

"I'll be at the ARC as soon as I can," Nick finally says, taking advantage of Connor's pause for breath, and ending the call before he can object.

Nick curses constantly on the drive in, journey hampered by being forced to stop at what seems like every red light, until he's finally, _finally_ , pulling into the ARC's car park.

"Professor!" Connor yells, the door not even closed behind Nick before the shout is dying in the air.

Nick waves towards him absently, eyes scanning the room. Stephen's here, he _knows_ he is; would have known it even if Connor hadn't said anything on the phone.

"Nick!"

Here and smiling and walking towards him and _alive_.

"You missed all the fun; Becker got covered in ammosaurus crap." Stephen is grinning over at the special forces captain, who cheerfully sticks his fingers up before going back to towelling his still damp hair.

"Well, I couldn't exactly let you get covered," Becker comments lightly. "Not today; Jenny'd kill me."

"For losing my fiancé under a pile of dinosaur faeces?" Jenny's voice reaches them as she walks down the ramp from Lester's office. "So long as he was cleaned off by two o'clock this afternoon, Captain, I'd give you a pass."

"It's good to know you care--"

And it's good to hear Stephen laugh. There wasn't enough of that, not before--

"Always." Jenny's voice is soft as she reaches them, fingers quickly brushing the back of Stephen's hand before she looks at Nick. "Nick? Are you okay?"

Her hand is on Nick's arm, careful and considerate, and the ring's nice, Nick thinks, tasteful. He'd be able to tell it was something Stephen picked out just by looking at it.

"I'm fine," Nick says. Even though he's not, not with Stephen's hand in the small of Jenny's back and Jenny looking at him like--

"Hey! Isn't it bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding?" Abby's shout drowns out Nick's thought before it takes hold.

"We've survived dinosaurs and Nick's idea of a stag night, Abby, I think we can cope with seeing each other three hours before we're due at the church." There's a pause before Stephen looks at Nick, sudden panic in his eyes. "You _have_ got the rings, haven't you."

"Of course." Nick lies easily these days, he's had a lot of practice.

He watches as they walk away, Stephen's voice quiet as he murmurs to Jenny, quiet as she laughs in response.

Stephen looks happy; happier than Nick remembers seeing him in a long time.

Nick doesn't make it to the wedding.

~

The world is quiet when Nick steps through the Anomaly, the sound of his steps on the dead leaves the only noise. Even the birds are silent, and there's nothing to indicate that anything else in the forest is even alive.

His car's not where he left it and, for some reason, all three of the taxi firms he has programmed into his phone are ringing as dead lines. Scrubbing a hand over his face, Nick starts the walk into town. He's pretty sure one of the station taxis will be more than willing to take his money. They'll probably even charge him extra for the pleasure.

He's barely a mile into his journey when he finds the body, grey and partly decomposed but readily identifiable. And Nick thinks that lump in his throat may be his heart. Because if a future predator is here, _exposed_ and left in the open just to rot, then there are a hundred reasons as to why the phone lines are ringing dead, and none of them good.

He nearly drops his phone as he pulls it out of his pocket, fingers suddenly numb, and he's never been so relieved with his decision to put all the ARC numbers into his phone's memory. Reception is a dead line, as is Nick's own office. But there's a click and two rings before the answerphone picks up on Lester's direct line.

Nick doesn't hear the full message, the sound of blood pounding in his head burying most of the words. He hears enough though. He hears _compromised_ and _overrun_ and _everyone dead_. He hears Lester say they couldn't stop them from getting out and how it's all their fault.

He closes the phone on Lester's still-talking voice, turns back the way he came, and ignores the shadows that seem to follow him with every step.

~

Nick stops short as a dozen assault rifles train on him the second he clears the Anomaly, a voice that sounds like Ryan demanding to know who he is, where he came from.

He doesn't get a chance to answer. Barely gets a chance to open his mouth before a surprised "Nick?" reaches him. "Oh god, _Nick--_ " and the special forces team are being pushed aside by--

"Helen--"

The ride back to the ARC is tense. Helen only just won the argument with Ryan about making Nick ride with his hands tied, but Ryan's still glowering at him, fingers wrapped around the gun in his lap like Nick's about to try and wrestle it off him.

Helen keeps turning around, looking at him from the passenger seat like she wants to ask him a million questions and is only just keeping them inside herself.

Nick's hustled into the ARC, Ryan keeping an eye, and his gun, on him while Helen heads straight for Lester's office. He doesn't know what they're saying, the glass is still soundproofed, but it's about him. The glances Helen keeps throwing him out of the office make that perfectly obvious, just in case the armed guard and the wide berth everyone else is giving him were inconclusive.

Nick's so focused on the figure of Helen, waving an arm and gesturing to Nick, that he misses Stephen walking in. Misses it until the sharp intake of breath draws his attention.

"Nick?" Stephen's looking at him, eyes wide with shock. "Jesus, Nick, is it really you?"

"In the flesh."

And then Ryan's being pushed to one side, the _Dr Hart--_ falling on deaf ears as Stephen envelops Nick in a hug. Stephen's warm and _there_ and still using the same aftershave he always has, and if Nick closes his eyes he can think that maybe the last six months never happened, can think that maybe--

"Well, as touching as this is, I think we'd better adjourn to the conference room, yes?"

Becker and Ryan have taken up positions on opposite side of the room and Lester's still looking at Nick like he's something to be dissected.

Connor's staring him, curiosity and concern warring on his face, and Nick knows the _Thanks, Connor--_ didn't help when the younger man handed him a cup of tea, not when he's apparently never met Connor in this reality, never been introduced to him.

"You seem to have us at a disadvantage," Lester says carefully. "Since you seem to know us, but the only people who have any idea who are are Doctors Cutter and Hart."

"I'm Nick Cutter--"

"That much we're aware of--"

Nick ignores Lester's interruption. "I work here, at the ARC. I lead the team that investigates the Anomalies."

The glance Helen throws Stephen is louder than any shout. "You vanished, Nick," she finally says, eyes bright and softer than Nick's seen in a good long while. "Nine years ago--"

Nine years--

_Oh._

"Around--"

"--the Forest of Dean," Nick finishes.

Helen nods.

"We looked for you," Stephen says. "Even when the police stopped, we kept looking."

"There was nothing, Nick. It was like you'd fallen off the face of the earth, and now you're back. Walking through an Anomaly like it's nothing. Jesus Christ, Nick, what the hell happened?"

Lester's quiet _Professor--_ and Stephen's _Helen--_ overlap, but Stephen's the only one who reaches out, hand on top of Helen's that she grips like a lifeline.

"I had you declared dead, Nick! I--" The words trail off, the flesh on Stephen's hand turning white as she grips it harder. Because Helen's never liked crying in front of people, never liked losing her emotions where anyone could see.

"I think we should take a break for a little while, yes?"

No one objects to Lester's suggestion.

Connor and Abby volunteer to show him around, accompanied by Captain Ryan, of course. Every movement into classified areas is blocked, until they realise that Nick knows what's in them, anyway. The two of them are full of questions. _What happened in your reality? Have we seen the same things? What's different?_

What's different?

It pains Nick to think that the answer to that is virtually nothing, that apparently his only effect on the timeline is less Glenfiddich in the world and a Scooby Doo cup in the ARC's tea cupboard.

Helen and Stephen are in Lester's office when they get back into the main room, and even though no one else is looking at them, even though no one else is paying attention to the fact that Stephen's arms are around Helen, Nick can't stop looking at them.

He left; gone through the original Anomaly that took Helen. Does that mean that he's meant to be out there somewhere? Playing with time like Helen did, assuming he knows best. He can't accept a world where he lost his way so badly, can't accept a world where _he's_ the one they're trying to stop and Helen's the one everyone turns to for the answers. Can't accept a world where he's the one standing here, Ryan's trigger finger trained on him, and Helen's the one up there, Stephen next to her.

Can't accept a world like that at all.

~

The next two times Nick steps through the Anomaly, Stephen Hart doesn't exist at all. No records of him at the ARC, no records of him at the University, no records of him at all. Nick barely stays in either of them long enough to register.

~

Number ten is the one Nick's never going to talk about. He's never going to talk about coming into the ARC like it was home. He's never going to talk about the month he spent decidedly _not_ calling Claudia by Jenny's name. Never going to talk about the month he spent learning Stephen's body again, mapping each part of him through touch and taste. And he's never going to talk about how he can still feel the hot thickness of Stephen's blood running through his fingers.

Never.

~

This one, Nick thinks. This one is the one he's keeping, the one he's staying in. The whole team had been waiting as he'd stepped out of the Anomaly, Abby asking if the baby regnosaurus got home okay.

_Of course,_ Nick had answered. _Dropped him off next to his mother._ Even if he hadn't set foot in the Cretaceous in nearly a year.

But Abby had just nodded, smiled and started helping the rest of the team to pack up the equipment, throwing various things at Connor and laughing as he tried to catch them.

Stephen had left them to it, joining Nick next to the now closing Anomaly.

_I booked us at La Tasca for 7 tonight,_ Stephen had said, shaking his head in amusement at Nick's blank look. _Nick, you always forget to book somewhere for our anniversary; I didn't expect this year to be any different._

_La Tasca's good,_ Nick had replied, reaching out and squeezing Stephen's hand. _Anywhere's good so long as you're there._

Stephen had just grinned at him, the _You old romantic--_ thrown over his shoulder as he went to help with the last of the cases.

And now Nick's here, lying in bed with Stephen next to him, warm and sated and body still tingling with the memory of sliding inside Stephen.

"Nick--" Stephen's voice is quiet, heavy with sleep. "Go to sleep, you're lying there too loudly."

Nick can't stop the huff of laughter than escapes from him. "Just thinking," he says.

About how this is it, this is where he's staying. About how he's never letting Stephen go again.

And that's a promise.


End file.
